Nothing lasts forever. When it comes to marriage, it may bethe case that couples are lucky enough to find in each other a life companion.But, realistically speaking, that is not the case for many people.
Divorce isneither a good nor a bad thing; it is merely the conclusion of a marriage thatdid not work out well for the parties involved. However, the effects thatdivorce has on the couple getting it are quite different from the ones it hason children. The way in which parents handle this type of situation determinesthe type of impact it will have on their children. As part of our family therapy Eastchester’s services,the Counseling Center has prepared a useful guideline for parents toeffectively communicate their divorce decision to their children. – Tell all your children at once. It iscommon for some parents to tell the older children first because they are moremature. Experts state that this is not a good idea.
First, age is notnecessarily an indicator of maturity. Moreover, telling one of your childrenfirst may represent a burden for him or her. On the other hand, the othersiblings who are not told may feel left out, which can lead to a variety ofcomplications in their personality development as well as on the relationshipwith their brothers and sisters.
To avoid this, gather all your children atonce and communicate the decision with all of them present. – Children have an infallible memory.When it comes to significant events in their lives, children remembereverything about them when they happened. Therefore, the circumstances and theambiance in general are crucial when telling your children you’re gettingdivorced. It is likely that they will remember in detail this moment for a longtime. – Be honest and be clear. Children arehighly perceptive.
Avoid using euphemisms or minimizing the reality of the situationwhen telling your children about the divorce. They will easily catch if you arenot being completely truthful; after all, they’ve lived with you their entirelives. Not doing so, may generate they start distrusting you. – Don’t anticipate their reactions.
Everychild is different and, when faced with such a life changing situation, he orshe might react as you least expect. Do not assume your child will react incertain way. Let the situation flow and accept your child’s reaction as it is.Trying to have control over your child’s reaction will only worsen things.
– Do not postpone the inevitable. Adivorce can be an arduous process. It is not only about separating from yourpartner. There are other aspects attached to it such as financial andchildren’s guardianship matters. Although these cannot be ignored, some peopletend to prolong the settlement process because they want to “win” or for anyother reason.
Prolonging a divorce indefinitely will create on your child afeeling of uncertainty. Hence, it is best to end everything as swiftly aspossible.