It was about three years ago when a rumour about me was spread about the school. It was not the first time I had been bullied but this time it was more upsetting. The rumour was that I was “gay” and I had done a “sexual act” with some another boy. I was really upset by this and I would never forget it for the rest of my life. Even today I still think why me? I first knew about a rumour at a lunchtime standing in the queue in the canteen. A friend from Boy’s Brigade came up to me and said, ” I heard that you are gay”. I said ” that’s crap”. He agreed with me.
I thought to myself “here the name calling starts again and why can’t they pick on someone else”. I put it out of my mind and ignored it. I went to the library that lunchtime to use the computers when more people said “your gay”. It was really starting to annoy me inside but I had to put on a brave face and ignore it and don’t let them see it is getting to me. I thought, “just forget about and it will go away” but it would not go away. I went to my afternoon class and tried to forget about but I could not. I did no work and I went to the toilet and cried and that made me feel a bit better.
When I cried I felt a bit better because it was like telling someone what had happened. I went home after school and went to my room and sat wondering what I should do. My sister came home from an after school activity and she said to me “folk are saying that you are gay” and she said, “You will have to tell mum”. My sister thought it was a bunch of sad people you have nothing else better to do than spread rumours about people. It did not worry me that my sister knew as I knew she would stand by me whatever sexuality I was. That night my sister told my mum and she came up and spoke to me.
I felt embarrassed about telling this to my mum because it is not the kind of thing that you talk to your mum about. After about 5 minutes I eventually told her and burst in to tears. My mum gave my a big cuddle and felt safe but I knew I would have to face school tomorrow but I was so scared that more and more people would call me names. My mum said, “We will go up to school and get it sorted out”. That night I never slept worrying what would happen next and would my friends still want to “hang out” with someone who is been called “gay”. This was the one thing that was always there in my mind.
I wondered whom then could I be a friend with, no one would want to be friends with someone who is supposedly gay. The next day mum and I went up to school to see my Guidance Teacher. I told Mr what happened but he said this was a very serious matter and should be dealt with the house Assistant Rector. I told what happened but I was now crying my eyes out. I tried to give him as much information as I could but I was so upset. He said that we have to sort it out as soon as possible.
I decided that I should go my classes and put on a brave face and show people that it is not getting to me. ried his best to find out who had started it but no one would own up to it. That night I confided in my best friend Ross. I told him everything that happened with Mr Warren and the outcome of it. He told me not to worry but inside I was hurting so much that I wanted to leave. I am really admiring Ross for standing by me and what he did for me. He was there when I needed someone to talk to and what I told him never went any further. It did not worry him what sexuality I was as he said, “we will always be friends”. The next day I decided to try to leave h.
I packed a bag and took out money from the bank and decided to travel to Aberdeen and then decide where I would go from there. I was at the bus stop when my mum drew up in the car with my sister. They found the note I had left for them. I ran to my mum’s arms and she gave me the biggest hug she had ever given me. I felt so safe in her arms but I still wanted to leave Fraserburgh. I think to myself it takes a lot of courage to runaway and I gave up when my mum appeared. We went home and sat down and chatted. I came to the conclusion that I can’t run away from my problems because they will always find me no matter where I go.
My mum thought I should go to the doctors for counselling and I phoned for an appointment. I thought it was only people who had depression went to counselling. Was I depressed or did I just need someone out side my circles of friends and family to talk to. I went to the doctors and discussed my problems and fears. We discussed what happened and my fears. We looked at the good points of my life and the bad points and came to the conclusion that there are more good things in my life. I went to counselling three times. I still have some fears but I just try and get on with my life.
The counselling helped me a lot as it made me think who I am and I should not worry about people who do not know me when they call me a nasty name. I never actually found out who started the rumour but no one calls me names anymore but then there are a few who do call me names. All my friends stood by me through this and I admire them for sticking up and listening to me and what I told them never went any further when I was upset This situation has changed as me as a person because if someone calls me a name I put my chin up and forgets about them.
I am now sympathetic to people who are homosexuals who are not accept by society because of their sexuality. I will never forget happened to me but I have put to the back of mind and have just got on with my life. I think it has affected the way I treat others who are being bullied because I know what they have been through. If I see someone being bullied I just watch and think that is what I went through but I don’t want to tell anyone because they probably don’t want someone interfering. I did not like people interfering in my problems.